I'm drive I can fine osifer
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
