Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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