Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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