I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
