I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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