I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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