Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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