NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
