he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
