I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
