Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
