He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
