saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
