im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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