The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
