You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
