i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
