yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
