no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
