Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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