did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
