How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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