when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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