Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
