he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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