She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
