Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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