i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
