yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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