because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize
