we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
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I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
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It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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