you guys were way drunker than both of me
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
