i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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