i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
