he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
