I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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