I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
