This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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