I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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