it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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