Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
tonight lets celebrate not being married
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
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And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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