I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
