Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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