dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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