I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
