who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
