If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
