it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
