Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
