omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Randomize
