The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
