Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
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Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
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no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
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