i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
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When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
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That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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