I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
