Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
