I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
