no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Fuck appropriateness.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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