Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
