i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
