Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
