Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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