Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
