Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
