I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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