In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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