you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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