we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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