The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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