Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
