I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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