My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
