be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
