Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
