I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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