Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
