I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
