I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
