mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize