It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
